Leonid meteor shower a bust.

Last night I thought I’d be able to sleep. Control of the room ventilation, some good exercise – a mile swim and great hike on Thumb Butte. But no.

Tossed and turned for a hour after reading for an hour. Figured I’d get up and go out into the dark with the car and see if I could catch the meteors. The last time I was out for a meteor shower it was with Julie under a nice down comforter on the Big Boy behind the house on Maple Hill. We cuddled and watched a bunch of shooting stars, all toasty and snug. Perfect, as they say in Canada. Well, no joy 25 miles north of Prescott. At first I wondered if the local police might pull me over for being the only car on the road at 10:30 PM. But then I saw another car.

I wondered if I was losing my grip and going to end up causing trouble for Bob. He didn’t come chasing after me when I exited our cute cottage. Nor did the dog even get up. So off I went into the dark. Eventually, 25 miles or so out of town, I decided to turn around and not drive for the night. Out I got into the dark and miraculous sky, so loaded up with stars that I could barely recognize any constellations. I stood outside out of the wind for a half an hour and can’t really claim to have seen a single meteor. I sat in the car with the window down for another long time with nothing to remark about. At one point, I blamed the lack of shooting stars on my fragile frame of mind. So there.

When I gave up two hours later, I drove back. The dog barked when I pulled in. I drank some milk, took a Benadryl and climbed back into the hard side of the bed against the wall. I read some more climbing stories and finally turned off my light. Sleep came fairly soon.

In the morning, Bob admitted to not being aware that I was out. The sleep of the blessed.

Today, I ran a lot further than I had planned on a wonderful trail in Prescott. Then we visited a few parks with picnic stuff and went to Yoga with Julie. I had forgotten how important the extremish but controlled movement of Yoga is to being aware of my body. I am thinking about swim, bike, run, yoga as a fitness plan. Somewhere in there I will do effective meditation and them I’m cured. Right?

Superfluous in a dissolute city

We’ve been in Las Vegas since last Saturday. I hate it here, mostly. Strippers and strip malls, all retail no soul. Driving in the car endlessly to get from here to there but there is really no there here. My depression is plaguing me and geing stuck in a hotel mired among litter, casinos and empty desert lots is rotten. My glasses are broken, nothing is fun and my back hurts. I need to get out of here.
Andrew is leaving tomorrow and I am very sad.
At least I’ll be able to sleep later.

Arizona – weeks on end it seems. But I’m not complaining.

From Durango, where sleep was a bit of a problem, we struck out for the south and further west, missing a number of fantastic places that I wanted to visit.

I have learned my lesson and now SPEAK UP early, before we zoom past the exit to my area of interest.

Flagstaff. Via Meteor Crater, a too brief stop in the Painted Desert and Petrified Forest and the wigwams on Rte 66. Way too much territory way too fast. We missed Chaco Canyon, Gallup New Mexico and Hubbell Trading Post and Monument Valley and all of New Mexico except for a small dismal corner of Farmington…Dry and dusty.

I liked Flagstaff. We stayed a pretty long time. Almost as long as Durango where we waited for the mail for three days.

I now know that I need, in no particular order:

1. Sunshine
2. Quiet
3. Time
4. Exercise
5. Good food
6. Novelty
7. Friends and family.
8. A little intellectual stimulation.
9. Whimsy.

All of these things contribute to my well being. But the best thing is the twinkle in Julie’s eye, shared laughter with Bob and Andrew and a good night’s sleep.

I’m thinking of asking for Ambien again. In August, I took it every night. 10 mgs. I had started at 5 mgs a couple of years ago when the ADD meds were keeping me wired. Then I started thinking that I was living like Elvis. Or maybe the Jefferson Airplane. So I stopped the ADD meds when I realized that I don’t need to concentrate so much right now. Then I tried to back down on the Ambien. Nope. Too much anxiety related to my arm. Kept the Ambien on line while the arm got treated and I was back to a sorta normal schedule, no narcotics fuzzying my brain, getting up at the same time each day, no naps.  Then I ran out of the Ambien while we were in Toronto. Travelling with two people and being unable to sleep while sharing one room is a bitch. There is no place to go in your jammies when you can’t sleep in a hotel. Or tent. One night I sat on the toilet for an hour or so cause it was the only seat in the hotel room where I could close the door and turn on the light without disturbing anyone. And if the temperature was not perfect, sleep was impossible. Or if my bed partner was agitated, or the dog started whining or the people in the next room had their TV on or whatever.

I found that sleeping in the tent was best – natural AC and heat. I control my bed covers. A little breeze, some starlight. Coyotes howling, Bob snoring, Julie talking in her sleep. Too short sleeping pad, sore hips. Oh my.

After the Ambien ran out, in desparation, I bought some diphenhydramine, also known as Benadryl. OTC. Pretty safe. Good to get a little drowsy with. I’ve been cautious – only taking it if I’m awake more than an hour after I’ve turned my light off and after I’ve done all the other moves that tend to keep me awake.

I’ve gotten off on some pretty wild tangents at night waiting for sleep. Thoughts and memories swoop through my empty head while I wait. At least the terror of being unable to fall asleep doesn’t happen any more.

Dinnertime almost. Prescott AZ. A nice place geographically.

Is this an away game or a home game?

Which is better? Intentional change in familiar surroundings or attempting to change on the move?

I can’t sleep.

I heard this at least 18 or 100 times last night from the bag of kittens. Too hot. Uncomfortable. Whatever. After the second time, I got mad. Then I got compassionate. How many nights have I had trouble sleeping and couldn’t complain about it out loud?

Sleep is a wonderful thing when it works. When your child has trouble sleeping, one must give up on sleep and be really, really kind. A child who is anxious can’t sleep if their parent is angry with them. Duh. This is a lesson, somewhere, on getting outside one’s self and stumbling towards kindness.

All the connectedness in the world has no value when the bag of kittens is awake.

 

17 to 36

Who’s keeping score?

Flagstaff today after a long time (3 days) at the north rim. It’s the challenge of the adventuresome vs. those who trust the well known. Who is winning? Let’s see.

Track record…Luxury hotel vs. Camping 5:1.
Interstate vs. secondary road 98:1.
Cold vs. warmth? 70:30 due to unpredictable seasonal cold. Otherwise it would be 99:1.

Should I be complaining.?
Am I complaining?
What is complaining anyway? A difference of opinion? A lack of opinion voiced loudly enough to change outcomes? A lack of value on one side? If everybody complains, is the outcome fair?

One good thing about losing a post is that one’s thoughts get interrupted long enough to end the post.

Burrus Research Associates, Inc. ~ Daniel Burrus, Technology Futurist Strategy Keynote Speaker and Consultant

Dan Burrus spoke at the NEDD meeting (Mini-LRP) last week. Insightful and provocative, his influence on my thinking about the world was positive and forward.

Positive thinking about aging – chain mail

THIS IS FROM MY FRIEND MARY. NOT MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY, BUT I RARELY SIT IN THE SHOES OF SOMEONE WHO VIEWS THE WORLD AS THE GLASS HALF FULL. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70′s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love … I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. I am so blessed to have lied long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day(if I feel like it). MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART! MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER! FRIENDS FOREVER! Forward this to at least 7 people and see what happens on your screen . You will laugh your head off!!!!!!!!!!!

Davenport – the pressure is on and off.

A new experiment today.

I’m going to try to link to a blog that I like.

http://leesdoodles.blogspot.com.

We have spent the night in Davenport at a quiet Comfort Inn. Slept well and got exercise – an hour on the treadmill. Getting my mileage back is going to be very, very hard. I ran without my splint which is against the rules – ‘sposed to have it on while running until my checkup in 6, count ‘em, 6 days. I also took a few tentative strokes in the pool without it. It felt good to stretch my arm out. Of course, all this will probably make me sore later, but Tylenol is my friend. I haven’t had any narcotics for almost two weeks. My brain wants the high, my brain knows better too.  So no narcs. I hope to cut back on the beer to once a week – the scales are not my friend these days so I could do without the alcohol. It’s not like I get a buzz.

I need a goal.

Over the next few days, I hope to recapture some of my thoughts and experiences that have happened in the big void of Canada/Toronto/Montreal/Quebec and get some insight so maybe goals will become more clear.

Davenport Iowa

Maybe a short post. There is no way to get everything written about the last few weeks.

The good news – the arm feels good. Some monster itching along the suture line and the splint now makes it ache. Amazing amount of cold conduction by the plastic…ooh, it hurts. Swimming in the splint is essentially impossible and running is no treat either. Viola on Monday and maybe I can put the thing away. I am tired of being treated (respectfully) like a cripple.

About Davenport -

Wind turbine blades are HUGE.

The Mississippi river is big.

The art museum in Davenport is a lovely building from outside.

This is meat eating paradise. I’m about ready to give it up.

Now that I remember how to post to this blog, I’ll do more. Tomorrow.